Mi Vida!!!

Cold winds touch my cheeks as I opened my apartment window.. i can see the twinkling lights right across the street.. i can hear a familiar, jolly tune from afar..

CHRISTMAS.. christmas is in the air.

I could still remember one christmas when i would sneak from from to see santa clause putting some goodies in the socks i hanged in the staircase… i was always too slow to catch him drop by the house… tsk tsk tsk…

One day, i just figured it out! i am thankful that my famile has let me experience the excitement of waking up at 12midnight of the 25th of December to see my “santa’s” christmas presents under the tree… the joys of being a child.

21 years has passed and now i start to wonder: What’s Christmas like on the other side of the world? on the other side of this building’s fences?

In the west, snow could look beautiful and i wish i could feel its fluffiness… or perhaps to see real icicles and make my own snowman.. or run around in winter boots and experience thanksgiving with a whole turkey on the dining table.. with wine and some holiday dishes.. BUT, what’s christmas like out there?  Sure, it’s warm in front of the fireplace.. or with the heater turned on.. but isn’t it too cold from the inside? sure you have the money.. earning a lot.. perhaps sending a lot of money for loved ones at home.. but what’s christmas like in a foreign land with all the material things but with all your loved ones away? wouldn’t it be empty?

But what’s christmas like on the other side of the fence? … in a make-shift box of junk that keeps you dry during the rainy nights and provides shade during a sunny day. Yes, you are with your loved ones, but you see them torn apart by poverty… by hunger… wouldn’t you wish you were somewhere in cold countries sacrificing for the people who matters to you?

What’s christmas like when you are in an ambulance and on the way to the hospital to rush your loved on who is struggling to live? You can see fireworks and hear joyous laughter from a roadside party, but you can also see the pain and weakness from your mother’s eyes.. struggling and fighting to stay in this world.

For me, Christmas is beyond the tangible things we give or we receive on Dec 25.. it is way beyond the place where you are now.. Christmas is all about appreciating the gift of life.. the gift to savor it with your loved ones, near or far. Everyday is Christmas when you wake up in the morning and see that your loved ones are ok.. it’s in knowing that you woke up to live another day despite hardships or pain.. another chance to improve life.. or to savor our borrowed existence. Christmas is not just Dec. 25 — it is EVERYDAY.

Dec 24, 1999 @ 11:30PM. Mom was rushed to the hospital struggling for her life due to food poisoning from some irresponsible fastfood chain somewhere in the metro. As I was riding the ambulance with my mom at the backseat and a guy with a gunshot wound sitting right beside me and who was also struggling to live, I had one single thought: That mommy will hang on.. will fight for her life… for we need her… and because I know i still have a lot of things to do to make up for my ”not so good” deeds .

and what’s christmas like that year for me?

it was the BEST!

why? because God gave me / us the best gift.. the gift of second life for my mom. And, not only that… HE opened my eyes for the intangible joys.. the joy of appreciating life, despite its the situation.. this i have seen through the eyes of sick people who werere trying to make the best out of the worst situation.It is so heartwarming to see strangers who, despite their seemingly empoverished life, has managed to visit sick people and gave them joy on Christmas day.

Isn’t it ironic that the “deprived” ones in the society are the ones with a lot more to give? ..and the rich people wants to take some more?

So, what’s Christmas like for you?

As for me, EVERYDAY is christmas. I may not have the best of everything.. i may be away from most (but not all ) people that i love because I have my hubby here with me , BUT, I am happy to wake up in the morning knowing that the people I love (near or far), are all ok, that I am given another day to live — a new chance to make life better.

It’s Christmas time! ..and the best thing that I could share are my thoughts. my reflections..  my experience.. and this comes with the hope that this thought will spark up someone’s day.. or perhaps lighten up someone’s load. Brother, you are not alone. we all have our crosses… it’s how we face it that matters. so cheer up! Get up and make a difference. celebrate christmas everyday.

Now, can you tell me how often you want to celebrate christmas in your life? .. and how you plan to spend this year’s “christmas”?

God bless all of us and may we all have more Christmases to come and celebrate! Be inspired and be contagious. Be an inspiration to others and light up people’s faces by giving them intangible joys and happiness.

The best things in life cannot be seen nor touched.. It can be felt in the heart.

Note: comments are welcome

i have achieved a lot of things that i never thought that I am capable of doing…
.. i have learned to love again
…my life is brighter and more promising
… i am better 

Those were some lines written a few years back.. and as i read it, i realized that from that time up to this very moment, indeed, my life has changed… all because of one single person who has been my walking stick..

as the song goes "lifting me up when i couldn’t reach, you gave me faith coz you believe… i’m everything I am, because you love me. "

ka char uy!

it’s been a while since i last had that wonderful smell of green leaves and the sound of fallen brown leaves.. the smell of the rain, the sound of the waves and the feel of find sand beneath my feet.. yes, i miss SUMMER.. IT IS SUMMER.. but i miss it…

i wish i can enjoy summer like i used to..

My… It has been 4 years since I stepped into this tagalog soil called "Manila". It all started with just  a 3-month assignment and who would expect that i would still be here after 4 years, settled down and working in the place called "Makati". It was indeed a long story of career decisions..

I was deleting "aged" messages in Friendster and i realized that i missed my friends back in cebu.. Ninya for one was a good coffee buddy.. and then there was Mongsy, for the marketing strategy and lifestyle discussions over clear bottles of san mig light in ayala.. and my "kuya" , for the "drunken master" sessions of "anything goes" kind of discussion.. and oooppss.. dont forget my bro, who would go out on gimiks with my in the city.. but in danao, we were two different individuals.. and who would forget Morse.. for the sacrifices of sleepy wee hours of morning but yet, making sure that I arrive home safe.. well, eventually, we got together and tied the knot so i have him here with me.. but i also miss our good old days when we go out for coffee "spotlight", TJ’s brown bottles and whathaveyou..

the list goes on and on… there were even "let’s morning the night" beach parties and the simple lazy sundays at home with  momdad and bro.. and ooppss.. dont forget nana… she, who washes my clothes, prepares my morning meal and gives me a good soothing massage that makes me doze off to dreamland.. my…

simple joys… and did i mention the Red Horse and Colt 45 group? hahahaha.. now, that was funny and memorable.. i wonder if those places still exist.. for sure, billiards are not that famous as it was before.. and that place at the back of tongyang.. and the one near ayala.. hehe.. i know that things will never be the same again.. we have all gone separate ways.. individual lives and well, for sure all of us has kept the beautiful memories of friendship.. Walay kwarta, pero lingaw.. hehehehe…

now, i am staring outside my window.. with a good view of manila bay and part of makati from ny 21st floor bedroom window.. seems like the surroundings is in a lul… of course, coz it’s midnight! am i sleepy? am i tired? do i miss home? do i miss my friends? do i miss cebu?

my answer? YES to all… but this is life for now.. CEBU, wait till i come back..

We have planned for our wedding for more than 6 months.. putting everything together, even to the itsy bitsy details of it.. We would want it to be close to perfect (no wedding is perfect eh) for the two of us but well.. there are hitches here and there..

It is true that you would have a hard time going to sleep the night after the wedding.. perhaps because of everything that runs across your mind.. decorations, bouquet, food, coordinators, dress, time, makeup, entourage, momdadbro, morie, morie’s fam, my fam, friends, and a lot, lot more.. so there i was, still texting my hubby at 12:30 am. he was still up..

the big day came.. it was a different feeling.. excited, anxious but uber busy with calls, texts and last minute decisions.. dinggoy came and we started the makeup session.. then allan came with is team to take the pics.. and the video people came in too.. everything went fine till i saw my bouquet.. my, it looked like it was for a maid of honor.. duh, it was uber small with very simple malaysian mums.. garsh! i love the bridesmaids bouquet better with the reds and whites combined.. but i swore to myself not to let anything destroy my day..

so there i was, waiting for my turn to get out of the car and walk down the long aisle.. i saw the orchids in the bridal car and put some of it in my lttle bouquet.. heheh.. it made my bouquet look better.. with one deep breathe, i signalled for the church door to open and for me to walk down the aisle.. gosh, it was different..

it’s corny and funny but based on what i have experienced, i can only see my parents clearly, morie waiting for me a few steps up in the altar and the rest were blurred.. haha..

and so we sat there, pose for some pics, a lot of laughs and a lot of happy faces..

my wedding day ended leaving me and us with very happy memories.. families, friends, and US.. together.

the day after..

.. it is the day that i want to forget.. for some reasons, we had to travel instead of enjoying the jacuzzi and the beach.. and for some reasons, we got hit by a bus on the side of the road.. we met an accident.. an accident that could have killed us a day after our wedding on our trip going somewhere.. the back of the car was all crumpled like a tin foil, glass was all over the place.. and all over our face. morie? he was there staring at nothing, shocked and didn’t even notice that we were hit by a big red bus.

..and so we spent our night in the hospital all because of that terrible accident.. by some stroke of luck and a lot of angels surrounding us, we survived with some wounds and bruises here and there, empty pockets (since we have to pay for the hospital expenses, thanks to the irresponsible bus operator) but ALIVE.

It is one month after that tragic day.. one month and one day after our BIG DAY and we are still recovering from the trauma of that accident. if i could turn back the time, i would have insisted for us to just stay at the resort. it would have been better if we just argued rather than experiencing that accident.

the happiness of our wedding day has faded a day after the wedding.. and now, one month after, we are still recovering.

THE BLESSING

despite what we experienced, i could still say that we are blessed and God loves us so much.. blessings never stop pouring, our health is better than the week after the accident and now we have seen who are the real persons who care for us. boy, am i glad that our families are strong.. and are very supportive.

REFLECTIONS

at the end of the day, it is not how expensive the wedding was.. nor the guests who came from wherever.. nor that wedding cake or bouquet that you have that counts..

at the end of the day, the most important thing that starts during the wedding is that great feeling that your most beloved one is beside you when you wake up in the morning.. it is that joy that you feel from within to prepare food for your better half that takes away the strain you experienced during the day.. it is that "magical" strength that lets you up despite the disappointing things that people / situations have brought into your life..

at the end of the day, what matters most is knowing that you are with the love of your life.. your friend, confidante and partner in life.

what is important is we were given the chance to live, to recover and to move on with life. yes, there are bumps on the road but well, without the bumpy road or the rugged terrain, these wonderful cars wouldn’t have been created.

just like life.. we won’t become stronger if we do not experience hardships.. not that i am asking for it but we know, there will be challenges.. and the beauty of it is that it has been one month and one day that morie and i have been travelling the bumpy road with each other.. no longer alone because we have been tied together for life..

Thank you Lord for the beautiful life.

Ten days more to go and my last name will be changed… But more than that, it has been a colorful 31 years of being single! Quite a few women might survive what I have been through and perhaps along the way, giving up would be the best option. I took the road less travelled. I have been lost quite a few times but I found my way again. I know that up there, SOMEONE is looking after me and will guide me back to the right road.

I made some choices ~ risky, bold and extraordinary. I wouldn’t say it was easy coz it cost me my "skin" but then again, there was no room to cry over spilt milk. I have to move on.

"It is when you stop looking and when you lift up everything that you can find what is best for you." Indeed this is true. When I stopped looking and hoping that someday, THE ONE FOR ME will come that I found Morie. It happened by a series of events, chains of friends that connected us. From being a good friend, ever supportive and true, I never expected that this one person whom i met from a friend’s friend of a common friend (gets nyo? ) will become my future husband.

"When God puts his hand in your life, you will be surprised that things will just fall into place at the right time, at the right place and in the right situation".

I met Morie when I was still working in Cebu. We became good friends…, maybe we had one thing in common to start with: "healing a broken heart and doing our best to move on". hahahahaha… Kinda "yucky" but that common situation made us know each other’s difficulties, "trauma". hopes, dreams and well, present situation.. the rest was history..

… until one day, I was in working in Makati already and he was was working in Cebu, we realized that we just do not love each other.. we need each other. His character compliments with mine. His strengths supports my weaknesses. My strong will aids his reluctant nature. Our love for dancing.. oh well, that is one thing we both love and one thing in common…

AND I SAY: … it is in our weaknesses that we found each one’s strength. it is in our shortcomings that we found each other’s willingness to understand.. it is in our challenges that we saw each other’s full support. it is with our previous hurting experiences that we learned to be mature and become ready for this lifetime commitment.. It is when you lift your life to HIM that HE will give you everything.

.. and if anyone of you has asked for a sign, it will come.. if and when you ask with your heart and when you are no longer waiting.. At the right place, at the the right time, with the right person and in the right situation.

It did happen to me… " we were both wearing red red,  on a rainy day, sto. nino church, right pew, right side" ALL at ONE TIME, don’t you think that is too good to be a coincidence? That is what you call HIS WILL. bitin ka ba sa kwento? haba eh.. but i would be happy to share it in my next posts.. not now when i am too busy.

Re

Grrrraaaaahhhhh……

I feel like I am about to erupt.. like one deadly volcano who has been holding on to all the pressures… Sometimes people can be too insensitive.. sometimes they can be overly sensitive.. but often times, they overlook all the efforts you have been doing for their comfort and asking for more..

I hope that at the end of the day, when we close our eyes, we think of the people around us.. to see the kindness they have shown.. deeds they have done.. and I hope that everyone can see the world from the eyes of a child… SelfLESS, Innocent and sincere…

Let us think get out of that mentality of "what can the world / people around me do for me?" and ask yourself: WHAT GOODNESS CAN I DO FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND ME, FOR THE PEOPLE WHO LOVES ME, TO THE PEOPLE WHO MATTERS? and ask yourself: what little things have I done for them to show my love day by day?

garsh, i might not sound sensible to you but I know I make sense.. I have almost lost my patience.. and I was at the verge of just banging the door and just ignoring whatever was on the other side of the door because I was almost fed up.. but then I thought, what good would it give to the other person on the other side of the door? perhaps a lesson.. if there is a lesson to be learned, it should be taught the right way.. at least, for people whom i love..

oh lord.. grant me patience and widen my understanding.. give me the strength so i can continue to be strong for the people who need me..

I can’t put into words the things that I feel.. I am sad and I feel the loss of a great friend and comrade but I don’t want to dwell in this pain… I don’t want to remember your ending.. I want to remember you in the pictures.. in my happy thoughts of sizzling sisig, pantry chats, business trips and all the happy memories that I have of you..

You are a happy person.. and i want to remember you that way. Strong-willed, dedicated, true friend, honest and dedicated worker. I want to remember you as a treasure.. a jewel that I would seldom find in this lifetime..

All that you love will all be taken cared of in HIS divine plan.. You have been harvested.. you are one of HIS greatest crops..

Thanks for all the happy memories, for sticking with me in my trying times and for always being there to do and standby with what is right with me, with us.. Now your efforts are acknowledged and your efforts were not wasted..

Thank you for the friendship and for all the kindness you have shown.. You can feel from the heart and those feelings that you can see are the gratitude and happy memories that we will always cherish.. Maraming, maraming salamat sa tatlong taon nating pagsasama..

Sail on dear friend.. go towards the light.. HIS arms are open and waiting for your homecoming.. See you in heaven… in time p’re  Jaime.. Your legacy will be cherished forever.

Hold On Tightly to What Is Truly Important in Life.

Hold on to faith; it is the source of
believing that all things are possible.
It is fiber and strength of a confident soul.

Hold on to hope; it banishes doubt and enables
attitudes to be positive and cheerful.

Hold on to trust; it is at the core of
fruitful relationships
that are secure and content.

Hold on to love; it is life’s greatest gift of all,
for it shares, cares, and gives meaning to life.

Hold on to family and "real" friends;
they are the most important people in your life,
and they make the world a better place.
They are your roots and the beginnings
that you grew from;
they are the vine that has grown through time
to nourish you, help you on your way,
and always remain close by.

Hold on to all that you are and all that you have learned,
for these things are what make you unique.
Don’t ignore what you feel and what you
believe is right and important;
your heart has a way of speaking
louder than your mind.

Hold on to your dreams;
achieve them diligently and honestly.
Never take the easy way or surrender to deceit.
Remember others on your way and take
time to care for their needs.
Enjoy the bea uty around you.
Have the courage to see things
differently and clearly.
Make the world a better place one day at a time,
and don’t let go of the important things
that give meaning to your life.